im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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