dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She bit a glass in half.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Randomize
