Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
