His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
