Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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