and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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