He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
