when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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