Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
