Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
