now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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