I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
