Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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