what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Randomize
