giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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