Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
