I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
