Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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