Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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