If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
