I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
