dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I AM VODKA MAN
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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