I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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