Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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