Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
