Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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