Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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