My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Is Oprah even human
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
