How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude i'm inner monologue high
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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