Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
