Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
