it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Drunk is not a location!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
