new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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