fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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