Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize