that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
