her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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