Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Randomize
