We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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