forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
