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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
