so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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