I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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