Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
