I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize