So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
