i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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