his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
