ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize