i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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