I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
