Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
