She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
