Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
