We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
