My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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