Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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