I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
