Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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