my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
How's work?
Spinning.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
