So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Actions speak louder than pants.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
