I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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