Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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