You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
