"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
