Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just sucked dick on a ferry
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
