I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm both gender and math confused
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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