I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
