Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
