When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
