my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
