She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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