just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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