I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
