Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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