she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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