I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
