his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
