I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Drunk is not a location!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
