wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
